What is a good opening message to write when communicating on an online dating site, Online Dating

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Your very first message to her should contain a comment on something you have in common or something you find titillating about her.

When a chick sees that you are not only interested in her looks, but also made an effort to read her profile and learn more about her, she gets the impression you’re different from almost any of the other guys texting her boring bs.

Making her compliments based only on her looks could be a crimson flag if the compliment isn’t genuine. Take your time until you see something you truly like about her and mention it. By the way, complimenting a woman on her personality is not being done often, so you’ll certainly stand out.

Also keep in mind that bad grammar, spelling mistakes and poor language are giant turnoffs. Moreover, well-written text messages make you look certainly more mature and intelligent. Here is a graphic ( source ), showcasing how those factors influence the response rate:

(The nuances of good profile photos are beyond this message . I',m sure I',ll find somewhere else to response that specific question on Quora).

(There',s no intrigue here, no mystery. You know exactly what this stud wants . he',s asking you to put effort in instantly, without knowing anything about him other than what he looks like in a miniature avatar pic . and he doesn',t stand out from the pack at all . there are so many things wrong with messages like this one).

(Likewise, a little bit much . she',s asking you to make a decision about whether or not you like her off the bat, from her profile photo alone . she',s asking too much, truly . this is unfortunate because, had you interacted with her more, you might have discovered you liked her).

Then you',ll want to react with a brief, joy, flirty message. You could send something like:

Online Dating Very first Message Tips: Opening Lines that Work

I’ll just come right out and say it: Most very first messages on online dating sites are terrible. They’re lame, impersonal and just make you feel, well, kind of icky.

These days, you can find everything online from shopping for consumer products to hiring various types of services. So, when it comes to dating, we simply budge to online options. There are various online dating sites available. However, most of them are paid but still there are few reputable sites that charge you nothing.

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The instant thought is Oh, he must say this to everyone or Fine, she didn’t even read my profile. I don’t know who invented pickup lines and publicized the notion that they’re a catalyst to romance, but I wish we could all recognize there are better places to embark that aren’t thinly-veiled catcalls. Nobody likes being fed a line, period. So I came up with some online dating very first message tips that can help you get more responses and get that much closer to meeting someone special.

Online dating can make you feel vulnerable. You’re putting yourself out there and inviting people to pass judgment on your hobbies, interests, and looks. So when you get a message that disregards the special things that make you who you are, it makes you feel disrespected.

I get it, however. If you rely on pickup lines, I kind of see where you’re coming from, and there’s a chance that you mean well. It’s effortless to give way to the pressure of pickup lines, because they’re just that—easy. We see the “cool” guys effortlessly use pickup lines in movies, to good success. We read listicles about the funniest and most clever and most sure-fire things to say when you want to ask someone out. But in reality, no matter how winning a line seems or how many times you’ve practiced it, the line usually falls brief. The good news is there are better ways to go about it.

I’m suggesting we say “no” to pickup lines and “yes” to opening lines. There—that already sounds a little friendlier. If you want to make the very first stir or send the very first message while online dating, more power to you. But don’t fright and fall back on a cheesy pickup line, or you run the risk of coming off as demeaning and predatory. Instead, let’s explore opening lines that will actually get you somewhere. These work especially well for online dating. These are specific to me, so adjust accordingly.

It’s mind-blowingly plain advice, but oh-so effective: Just say hi. The most overlooked word in the online dating world is hi. There’s some merit behind Jerry Maguire’s “You had me at hello”—sometimes “hi” is the ideal thing to say. Ordinary? Yes. Effective? Absolutely. A polite introduction goes a long way and echoes something you would actually say in real life, demonstrating that you have good manners.

“I’ve visited St. Louis before, I almost went to WashU for grad school.”

Don’t you hate it when somebody messages you and asks, “So, where are you from?” or “What do you like to do for joy?” It makes you feel like they skipped the profile and just messaged you as part of their numbers game. I can’t stress this enough—actually read their profile! Commenting on something he or she wrote in their profile shows that you actually took the time to read what they wrote.

However, don’t shove your luck and attempt to be nice. “I’ve visited St. Louis before, I almost went to WashU for grad school. Maybe you can showcase me the city some day.” This is an opening line turned pickup line. There’s no need to add the 2nd part—it reads as overly cocky and certain, and negates the good of the very first part of the sentence.

“What did the fish say when he swam into a wall? DAM!”

Another online dating very first message peak is to break the ice with a (clean) joke. It can work wonders for clearing up any awkwardness you might feel during the very first few messages. It’s not, however, an excuse to infuse the conversation with sexual innuendo. A joke could technically be classified as a pickup line, but I think as long as you tell it with good intentions, you’re in the clear.

“You look fine in hats.”

I can’t tell you how thrilled I would be to receive this message from a potential match. It’s more specific than the expected “You have nice eyes” go-to compliment. The person might genuinely have good eyes, but attempt providing a compliment that’s a little quirkier and tailored to what they demonstrate in their photos. It will display that you actually absorbed information and remembered the details of what they introduced to you in their profile. It also serves as a conversation starter—for example, if the person was wearing a baseball cap, you could ask if they’re a fan of the sports team on the front.

“Hey, your profile caught my eye. I think we have a lot in common. Do you want to meet for a drink tomorrow and see if we hit it off?”

The formality of the initial message exchange can be a little slow at times. If you’re genuinely interested in pursuing someone, why hammer around the pubic hair? Instead of exchanging polite banter back and forward, sometimes it’s just better to go for it in person.

Now, it’s time for you to attempt these online dating very first message tips for yourself! Reminisce, it’s not just what you say—it’s also how you say it. Pickup lines are intended to give you confidence, whereas opening lines have confidence—and respect—baked in. And the simpler, the better. Ask yourself, Would I say this to somebody’s face? Or Is this how I want our “how we met” story to go? If your very first message comes from a top Ten list or it’s something your friend “swears by,” chances are it’s a pickup line that will fall vapid.

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-Referring to a lady who wore cut-offs that read ",hot buns", on the butt, and then another picture of her in a ball pit.

  • ",hi",
  • ",ur hot",
  • A graphic description of what he',d like to do to her sexually
  • An essay about himself

You basically just have to do better than that.

1. Never just say “hey” or “hi”

When you just write “hey” to a chick, you haven’t actually commenced a conversation. You haven’t told her anything about yourself. You haven’t made clear what you have in common. You’re not even displaying interest in anything specific about her.

For a doll, replying to “hey” feels like work with no pay-off in look.

Should she just say “hey” back and hope that he’ll embark a real conversation? Or will this be like the other 1,000 “hey” conversations that felt like pulling teeth and went nowhere interesting?

Her: Not much, you?

You: Just watching TV.

[Lady stops replying]

When you just write “hey,” you better have one of the best profiles she’s ever seen. Otherwise, she’s not going to waste her time.

Two. Begin by finding something in her photos/bio to comment on (not her looks)

Maybe she has a pic of herself at the beach. You can say, “Hey, nice beach pic. When was the last time you’ve been?”

Maybe she has a pic of herself on a dance floor. You can say, “Cute dancing pic. Do you go out often?”

Maybe she has a pic of herself wearing a big hat or a colorful scarf. You can say, “Nice scarf. Where do you get your style from?”

Other comments you could pull from a girl’s pics/bio:

So you’re the outdoorsy type, huh?

Whose wedding? I love wedding season.

Are you a gamer? What do you play?

Is that Fat Tire? That’s my dearest beer. What’s yours?

So you’re in school? What do you examine?

What kind of stuff do you like to read?

Noticed the scrubs. So you’re a nurse? Do you like it?

Good Poison Ivy costume! Do you usually go all out for Halloween?

Do people tell you you’re photogenic? Your pics are like model poses — in a good way, of course!

You like the Steelers? What did you think of Monday’s loss against _?

You think guys can pull off yoga poses too?

Where’d you go on vaca? Beautiful view.

The possibilities are endless.

Three. Make sure to ask a clear question

The best openers end with a clear question that gets her talking about something specific.

“What’s up?,” “How are you?,” and “Doing anything this weekend?” don’t cut it. They’re too general. They put the work on her to determine what to talk about. Rather, ask specific questions (like the examples above) that put you in the driver’s seat of the conversation.

Four. Dig for common ground

As your conversation goes back-and-forth, keep in mind: your aim is to find commonalities. Emphasize what you have in common.

You: Excellent Poison Ivy costume! Do you usually go all out for Halloween?

Her: Yeah I love it. It’s my dearest holiday!

You: Me too. Horror movies are the best. So what do you investigate at school?

Her: Oh I agree!! Philosophy. Did you just graduate [referencing pic]?

You: Yeah I did. Glad to be out. The last year was rough! Do you like school?

Her: I hear you. It’s hard. But I love my major. And I’ll miss my sorority sisters when it’s over for sure.

Finding common ground doesn’t always mean you have to know or like the exact same things. It can also just mean relating to her feelings.

Say, for example, a female tells you she went to vacation in Mexico for spring break, and you’ve never been to Mexico. You can say something like, “That indeed sounds amazing. Bummer to leave, huh? What do you do back here for joy?

Five. After some back and forward, suggest meeting up

This does not need to be complicated. Once you’ve had a little bit of conversation (like a minimum of 3-5 responses), end your message with an ask.

To use our example convo again:

Her: I hear you. It’s hard. But I love my major. And I’ll miss my sorority sisters when it’s over for sure.

You: Yeah that’s the roughest thing. I’ve still been in touch with everybody, but it’s tighter for sure.

You: Hey would you be down to grab coffee sometime?

You: Are you free at all next week — maybe Thursday?

Her: Yeah I can do Thursday night after Five

You: Cool. How about Cook’s Coffee in Parker? Is Five good or should we make it Five:30?

Her: Five works for me!

You: Cool. See you then!

Her: Looking forward to it!

[End of conversation]

Bonus: Very first, be sure you’re using the right pics!

That little profile photo of you makes a big difference in the way women “hear” your messages. For example, if you seem good-looking but a little bit douchey in your pic, an guiltless comment might come across as overly flirty or aggressive.

In fact, you could say the same thing to the same woman with a different main profile pic and get a entirely different reaction. Because whether a woman likes what you’re telling or not depends on what kind of person you seem like.

So while the above advice should help, I can’t overemphasize the importance of your pics very first.

To choose your best pics for dating, get a multitude of photos together and attempt testing them on Photofeeler to know exactly how they’re coming across to women. Will up your game by a ton.

a) It',s a bad idea to ",get to know", the person very first via back-and-forth messaging. You',re not getting to know her/him, you',re getting to know her/his online- or texting- or whatever-persona. The best way to get to know a person is by actually knowing them. in person.

b) It saves you time (among other things). A 30-minute coffee/drinks date takes way less time than weeks of writing messages, excruciating over the right things to say, finding time to talk on the phone, vetting profile/messages/photos (yours AND theirs) with your friends, reading the tea leaves, whatever.

c) You',ll also know right away whether the person is willing to go on a date with you: you',re preventing them from leading you on and wasting your time.

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